Mental
by KLest
Summary: AU Drew ponders what's real in life and how it lead to him being there.


"Your hurting yourself you know?" Drew comments dryly from her doorway. He moves insides and leans against her wall watching her scratch at her skin.

"I know," May replies looking up from her reddening thighs, "I just don't care."

"If you continue to scratch you'll make it bleed," Drew pushes off against the wall and heads towards her bed.

"Your point being?" Mat questions annunciating each word with a nail digging scratch against her thigh.

"That you should stop." Drew sits down opposite her and watching her bring her legs closer towards herself. "I'm not going to touch you May."

"That's what the last guy said." She mutters darkly leaning back against her headboard.

"I'm not like those guys." Drew counters as her gaze slides over towards him.

"No," she agrees sitting up. "You're not." She reaches out to him and grabs his arm. She flips it over and runs a finger down his trail of scars. "We're similar and maybe that's why we get along so well."

"Your leg is turning to red." Drew whispers ignoring the cold shiver running down his spine from her touch.

"Does it matter?" She pauses against the line cut directly over his vein. "This bled more than any of mine combined. What I'm doing now will barely even bleed," she lets go of his arm and moves back against her headboard to continues scratch to her thigh. "But mine will be painful." She watches in fasciation as her skin begins to welt and runs a hand over it. "And it will serve as a reminder of how worthless I am."

"Why do we let them do this to us?" Drew looks down at his arm and the scars litter across it. "What was so wrong about us that it lead us to do this?"

May tilts her head to the side thoughtfully. Slowing her fingers down she barely grazes over her skin as she lets her hair fall over her shoulder against her cheek. Drew gulps at the reminder of her latest attempt as he makes out the rope burns against her throat. He raises a hand to his throat and wonders if he'll ever have the courage to do that. If he would ever be willing to try to take his life again like he did three years back.

"I think it's because we see some truth in what they say." She looks towards him with her sapphire eyes filing with tears. "Maybe it's stupid," she says with a shrug beginning to dig her nails deeper into her skin. Making a new path along her leg. "But it's like they always know what to say to bring us crashing down. What to say to push us past our limits to when this," She points to his scars and her legs, "Because an option. For you it was never being good enough. Never leaving up to a standard that was set. For me it was knowing that no matter what I did, no matter how much I changed I would never be enough. I would always be regarded for my past mistakes. I would never wash them away. That I would always be the family screw up and because of that they no longer anything to do with me. They wanted me gone. So I looked for an out and found one."

"But it failed though," Drew looks around at her white room void of any personal items. He always felt like the rooms provided to all of them were more like prison cells than actual rooms. He hated it here but Solidad promised he would only be her for a little bit. 'Just till you get better' is the lie she said before disappearing on him for three years. She just couldn't accept the fault that she might have been one of the reasons for his attempts. She couldn't accept the fact that she couldn't save him so she left.

"Did it?" May questions picking at the dead skin underneath her nails. "I said I wanted an out and this," she looks around the empty room with a fond smile as she tenderly rubs her skin getting rid of any white marks from scratches. "Is an out. So I put my Mother through hell when she found me unconscious in the bathroom. She's more stable now that I'm gone than she ever was when I was living with her. She still has my brother Max to baby and look after. My Dad no longer has to worry about feeding me or clothing me. I'm no longer his problem, as he likes to say and my Brother… Well he no longer has to worry about a sibling rivalry. He wont be compared to the failure ever again. I haven't seen any of them in 5 years and I couldn't be happier."

"And yet you still scratch,"

"Well I never said I still wanted to live. I just didn't want to see them again so I convinced my psychiatrist that it was for the good of my health that they were no longer welcomed here.

"If that's the case why don't you just leave?" Drew counters, running a hand through his hair.

"Why so I can go back to them. I just cured myself from them why would I go back?" May demands slamming her fist into the bed. "I'd rather stay here or die then go back to them."  
"You could get a job then, or just never go back to them. There's no rule stating you must return to them!" Drew screams inching closer to her.

"But I'm already too damaged Drew. Even you know that." May smiles sadly and leans towards his tall frame. "It's too late to save me." She puts a hand on his cheek and smiles when he leans his forehead down towards her.

"But,"

"Shush," She whispers putting a finger to his lip with a shake of her head. "No more buts. The next time I do this will be my last. You need to decide for yourself what's next for you. It's a simple question Drew with a simple answer."

'What is it," He asks through dry lips as she removes her finger from them.

"Do you want to fight or give up?"

"I don't know," Drew answers looking down at his shaking hands.

"Then you must give it some thought." May goes back to running her nails against the welt on her thigh.

"What if I want to save you?" Drew questions as he reaches out for her disappearing hand.

"I would wish you good luck. You can't save a girl whose already dead Drew," May whispers as she disappears from his sight.

Looking around his empty room Drew wonders if May was ever real or if she was just someone he created to keep him company. Running a hand across his neck he grimaces against the rope burns and wonders what he'll try next.


End file.
